Have a look at my output. I’ve been doing this a while, and you can always tell from my pictures when I feel comfortable with a photographer. There’s something about my body language, the stiffness of my pose, the fixed fishy gleam in my eye, that’s a dead giveaway. I will smile and spread my legs on command, but I can’t hide those micro-tells that scream, this one’s an arsehole, or alternatively, I’m having so much fun here creating something splendid that I never want it to end. It makes all the difference to the pictures, as well as how likely I am to work with you again. So here, in short, is how not to be the arsehole: how instead to get the best from me. Hopefully it won’t need pointing out that all models are different: this is a guide to working with me, not all of us.

1)Don’t keep telling me how stunning I am. Please. I’m not. I’m a perfectly average looking, middle aged, slightly chubby mum. It makes me doubt your judgement and veracity, which will make me anxious. I know what I’m worth: I’ve priced myself accordingly. If you want to give compliments tell me I’m easy to work with, good at taking direction: this will be true, and make me purr.

2) You know what you can see. If I look excessively chubby, if my stocking seams aren’t straight, if my hair looks a mess, for God’s sake tell me. I’m perfectly happy to be touched. Yank up my straying bra straps, push my foot an inch to the left, flatten down my curls. Better that than a wasted half hour. Check with other models before you touch them, of course, but I’m happy with any business-like adjustment.

3) On a similar note, please give direction. ‘Pose’ is not a direction. Do you want me looking at the camera or off to the side? Profile or face on? Point your toes inwards, nose to the tree, eyes above my head, tits to the window, imagine you’re trying to seduce someone who’s coming at you from the left, your dog’s just died, your enemy has received terrible, life-changing news: these are directions. I’m eager to please but need to be told how. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you need from me. We both want the same outcome and must unite to create it.

4) Don’t push my limits. These are not spontaneous and random; they are very carefully thought through. Don’t assume I will agree to something if it’s anonymous. I won’t. I don’t limit my output from fear of discovery; I’ll do nothing I won’t put my head to.  I do what feels comfortable and right for me and have no concept of shame, thank God. Shame is expensive. So is disease. In consequence, I don’t do oral or hard BG. Don’t ask. It will only embarrass both of us. My limits are clearly outlined on adultfolio and purpleport. 

5)That all sounds terribly serious and grim. But modelling is one of the most joyous parts of my existence. When it’s going well I find myself floating off into sub space, beaming and relaxing like a tranquillised heifer. A few tiny tweaks in our working relationship can make it so much easier for us to create glorious art together. Remember: when I’m happy, the pictures are better. And it’s so very easy to make me happy. Tell me what you want, respect what I want, and beautiful content will be created.